Wednesday, 29 April 2015

M.E. Thought Patterns

Anyone who acknowledges the psychological aspect of M.E./CFS will be aware of the impact our thought patterns can have on our symptoms.  I'm sure you're all familiar with at least some of the following : 
  • 'Will I ever recover...?'
  • 'What's wrong with me...?'
  • 'How long will it take me to get over this..?'
  • 'Why me..?'
  • 'What can help me improve...?' 
  • 'Why do I feel so crap..?'
  • 'Will they ever find a cure..?' (Excuse me for being dogmatic here, but in my opinion and from what all the latest research suggests, M.E./CFS is far too multi-faceted and complex for there to be a 'miracle cure.')


Having been treated at a great M.E. clinic in London, I've learnt some really useful tools to work with these thought patterns.  

These thoughts dominated my mind for so so long. In a way, it's a pretty normal response to a scary situation, right? it's understandable! We have all these unexplained symptoms..we're in pain..we unsure of why this is happening. Scary fearful thoughts are the brain's normal way of processing this, right? 

However....are they useful?  Are they helping us find a solution? Are they offering us a choice in the situation...or are they just keeping us stuck in limbo?

Interestingly, the latest research on Neurology has found that our thoughts have a massive impact on how we feel in our body.  I'll let this short clip explain : 






Interestingly, at around 0:44 secs the narrator mentions how when our body detects a potential threat (ie fear of symptoms, worry about the future etc), it releases adrenaline and cortisol into the body, putting it in a state of stress.  Imagine if we're doing this all the time..or even most of the time..or even some of the time..keeping ourselves in that 'wired' stress state. How can our bodies even begin to recover when it's constantly in a state of alarm?  Here you can see why the psychological impact of M.E. can have such a negative stressful impact on our bodies. 

Ever notice that your symptoms can intensify when you're worrying?      

I'm going to break these common thought patterns down into 4 segments to make it more digestible and easy to understand :  

  1. FEAR OF SYMPTOMS ie continuously checking in with symptoms  -  probably the most common one of all.  Always checking for symptoms getting worse.  This fear kicks in that adrenaline/cortisol response  
  2. MENTAL TENNIS ie should I stay in tonight or should I go out? Should I do yoga today or not? And it becomes problematic when you're going to and fro for minutes or even hours, rather than just making a decision based on what you feel your body can do  
  3. CATASTROPHE THINKING ie going from feeling a bit rubbish to thinking 'I'm never going to recover' - when you start with one thought and this snowballs into something much bigger.  This again sets off that adrenaline/cortisol fear response
  4. MIND-BLENDING - constantly pre-empting, planning, or replaying situations.  This type of feeling has a very speedy feeling to it
Do these sound familiar?

A massive way I've worked with this on myself is by becoming aware of the pattern, and just asking, "Is this useful to me?" or "Is this supporting me and taking me forward?"  Usually the answer is a big fat No! Then by identifying this, then asking, "What do I choose to do/think instead that would be more supportive right now?"

It may be as simple as choosing to have a nap rather than doing some work.  It may be deciding to go for a short walk rather than watch TV.  I found that letting my body guide me was the best way.


This way of stopping and reflecting has massively helped me health-wise, and enabled me to realise I have a choice in what thoughts I have!



Adam

x





Sunday, 26 April 2015

Mitochondrial Function and Blockages

As some of you will know, Mitochondrial Function (or should I say Dysfunction!) can be a source of several problems for ME/CFS sufferers, the most notable being a lack of available energy!!  Respected M.E./CFS specialist Dr. Myhill even says that it is the 'cental cause' in M.E./CFS.

I had my 3rd Mitochondrial Function test back this week, and the great thing is, now my Mitochondrial function is at the level of a normal healthy person! However, I do still get symptoms.  This underlines the fact that recovery from this condition is not just purely about sorting out nutritional imbalances.  It's also about addressing the psychological element, dealing with the underlying anxieties and stresses in our current environment, which are burdening our system.  I've already done a post on this which you can read here.  I'll do another one on 'Common M.E. Thought Patterns' soon.  It's also important to address the physical re-conditioning aspect when you are at the right stage of recovery. Chances are you haven't been hugely active for a while.  This is where the exercise comes in. I talk about this and the importance of it being done in a graded and considered way in another previous post - click here.




My aim in this post is to talk about potential blockages that stop your Mitcohondria from functioning properly.  I can only talk about my personal experience, as I'm not a Nutritionist or Doctor with vast experience about this, nor am I claiming to be.  I have a blockage of about 10% outside the normal healthy range in my system, which causes certain elements/substances to stick to my DNA, meaning my ATP (Adenosine Triphosphate) isn't being recycled to it's optimum level.  Therefore my consistent access to energy is still suboptimal..to an extent.  I know this sounds really scientific and confusing..to be honest, I don't properly understand it either.


This, on top of the physical re-conditioning I still need to do and psychological work, is certainly contributing to the fact I'm still experiencing symptoms.  The blockage they found in me relates to petrol, vehicle exhausts, furniture waxes, air fresheners and Benzoates...basically any toxic cleaning materials haha!  Therefore I've taken responsibility to make my house as clean as humanly possible! I've decided to replace these toxic cleaning materials with home made alternatives :

Kitchen &  Bathroom Cleaner :

  • 1 Spray Bottle
  • 3 Tablespoons Vinegar
  • Squeeze of 1/2 a lemon
  • Water

    Place in a large spray bottle and shake vigorously.



Homemade Dusting Spray : 
  • 1 Spray Bottle 
  • 3/4 cup olive oil
  • 1/4 cup white distilled vinegar
  • 30-40 drops essential oil, optional (clove, orange, lemon, etc)

  • Place in a large spray bottle and shake vigorously. Spray directly on furniture (being careful of overspray) and buff with a clean, dry cloth.

Plants : 

I read that plants literally eat up pollutants in your house, so I've now got a few in my room, living room and dining room.  It also makes the rooms look a bit nicer.



Baths : 

No more Radox bubble bath..just pure Epsom Salts



Avoiding Benzoates : 

I plan to do this by simply avoiding anything Benzoate related in preservatives ie Benzoic Acid, Sodium Benzoate etc.



Avoiding Pollution : 

Well..this is pretty much impossible. Living in London, one of the busiest Cities in the world, and being under a flight path, means I'm always going to be in contact with pollution.  However, I've lived here my whole life, and I was pretty damn healthy for 21 years of it, so I'm sure I can survive a few more pollutants here and there! You become more resistant to pollutants as you get stronger anyway.



Let's clear as much of this blockage as possible!

P.S. If you are interested in getting your Mitochondrial function tested and getting support in normalising it, the best thing to do would be to get in contact with either Dr. Myhill's clinic here, or with the Nutrition Team at The Optimum Health Clinic here.

Adam

x


Sunday, 19 April 2015

Meditation - am I doing it right!?!

This was a question that dominated my mind on a daily basis for years..literally!  

Meditation - we all know it's good for us and the health benefits are quite clear. However, there's so many different types/modalities out there!! Which one is right, and more importantly, which one can help us!



For around 3 years I was constantly on the search for the 'right type' of meditation for me.  Which 'type' would aid me in improving my health? Which 'type' could lessen my symptoms? I tried so many things - Mindfulness, Hypnotherapy tracks, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), Mind Calm..the list goes on! I had varying success, but what I really struggled with was the visual side of things - 'Imagine yourself sunbathing on your favourite beach feeling perfectly healthy...'  More often than not, I failed at achieving this states, primarily because my body was usually screaming with symptoms and ill feelings.  This in turn, often ramped up my anxiety levels because I couldn't achieve the desired relaxed state. I just got more and more anxious about my symptoms and frustrated that I couldn't change them.  So in actual fact, I often left a meditative session more anxious than when I started...and then I got anxious about being anxious. VICIOUS CYCLE!! I'm sure many of you have felt the same - a very head driven buzzy wiredness. Sound familiar?



I eventually stumbled across a form of meditation that was just right.  No visualisation, no breathing in feelings of health and sunny beaches..just being where you are and letting yourself know that that is ok.  When I first discovered it, this was a massive realisation for me, and everything started calming down a lot, in particular my mind! It soon dawned on me that all this time I had been trying to do meditation perfectly, and it was those perfection patterns that were actually hindering my progress with meditation.  As one with a bit of an Achiever personality, I felt I 'had to get it right.' Ironically, it was this 'having to get it right,' that hindered my progress health wise and in meditation.  
It was this learning 'to be' and accepting where I was at in that moment when I noticed shifts happening.  It's interesting isn't it, how we spend so much time in our heads and so little time in our bodies.  No wonder we get so stressed, and oftentimes lose control of our health.          

This type of 'Beingness' is one of just being present in the moment..separated from our thoughts, stress, and anxiety.  It sounds Spiritual almost, but it's really not.  It's just the process of being here, right now. A process of focusing on our breath, our arms, our legs, our muscles.  I usually do this 2/3 times a day, around 10 minutes each time and find it wonderfully powerful and rejuvenating.  On the other hand, Catastrophising thoughts, mental tennis, stress, are all pretty exhausting, and are certainly things we could do with less of, especially if you are on a recovery path.    

I came across a wonderful Meditation Teacher, Linda Hall, who has herself recovered from a Chronic Illness, M.E./CFS, after suffering from the condition for 8 years and making a full recovery. Her style is extremely soothing and therapeutic, and speaks to people at any level, no matter how healthy or ill you are.  


Here is a few of her short meditations (about 10 mins in length) Worth a go : 





Linda also has her own website, where she sells Meditation downloads that are specific for M.E.  I even did one of her telephone tutorial courses and it was great! All that and more are offered on her site : http://www.audiomeditation.co.uk/


Adam

x

Thursday, 9 April 2015

My story...so far!



I've been blogging now for almost 2 years and only today realised that I'd never actually shared my story with you wonderful people!

I find sharing one's story can be of real therapeutic value, not only to the writer, but also to readers who may well be in a similar situation.  It's a great way of getting your experience 'out there' as it were, and it's perhaps something that is a bit long overdue!

Ideally when recovered, I'd really like to publish a book of my experience through ME/CFS, my ups/my downs, how I found the answers, and how it changed me as a person, not just physically and mentally, but also spiritually and emotionally.  Maybe this blog post would be a good starting point...a practice run! I suppose I'm also writing this in the hope that it will encourage others to share their stories too. They can be so inspiring. So here goes..


Me about 2 months before getting ill with M.E./CFS. Flying off a rope-swing in Fiji, where I'd been working that summer. I was very physically active in my teenage years


As a young child and teenager I'd been pretty healthy.  Had the odd bouts of Tonsillitis and colds, but who doesn't at that age.  I was very active in the sporting arena, representing my school in Rugby and Cricket, whilst also playing men's football for a club in my area.  I had the highest stamina (or amongst the highest in my year!)  I won the 400m in my age group at sports day 3 years running (I don't write this to boast, just to emphasise how high my fitness levels were! :-) ) I pushed myself hard academically, getting A's at A Levels. I had very high standards for myself, and whatever I achieved, never seemed to be enough. I always had my eye on the next goal...the next challenge.  I suppose you could call me a very Type A personality - which is very common for people who have gone through this condition.  First year of uni flew by - drank a lot, made some great friends, had some great experiences, enjoyed my independence. It was probably the best year of my life.  I travelled to Fiji that summer (2009), and worked as a teacher over there.  It was great fun.  Once back in the UK, 2nd year was fast approaching, and I started thinking about what career might suit me best.

Then everything changed. I fell extremely ill with Gastro-enteritis. It was so bad that I could barely get out of bed (interestingly prior to this, I'd had an underlying cold for a few weeks.)  I was completely drained.  I improved somewhat, but then a week later I contracted Glandular Fever.  Double whammy.  I was so ill I couldn't even leave the house, or my room for a long time.  This period is still very hazy to me.  I think the trauma of all the unexplained symptoms, no energy, and constant dizziness has caused my conscious mind to block it out.  I kept thinking, 'What's wrong with me?' 'Why am I getting these symptoms?' 'What's happened to my energy?'  I was literally in the crash and burn phases of the illness.  In hindsight, I really should have really rested and just slept, but I just plowed on through - there was work to be done, therefore I had to do it.  The next 4 months were a mixture of unexplained painful symptoms, extreme levels of anxiety, a heavy workload, and 4 Red Bull a day.  In this first year of illness, I went through several relapses and just tried to push through everything, not realising that constantly pushing was making my symptoms worse.

Me on the far right about 2-3 months into illness...looking quite concerned! I was experiencing pretty severe symptoms at this time, always fearing I was going to collapse or get worse.

I just wanted to psychologically escape the fact that I was pretty severely ill at this point, and it did that by pushing myself like I used to.One constant problem above all else was recurrent Tonsillitis every two weeks - I could have set up my own pharmacy with the number of anti-biotics I'd been prescribed!  This first year was really tough. There was so much confusion and fear as to what was wrong with me and how I could change my situation.  I didn't realise at the time that the constant fear and anxiety about my situation was making things worse.  I somehow managed to play football still for my University team.  Even though I knew it wasn't supporting me, being active and sporty was part of my identity, and I didn't want to lose it! It was a massive struggle, I'd lost pace, and I could feel pretty awful for days after playing a game.  I remember one game where I only managed 10 minutes before I had to stop.  I was a classic 'push through the pain' case.  



I then came across meditation. This actually helped me somewhat, as it (unknown to me at the time) calmed my nervous system down. I also altered my diet to basically 'eat healthier,' without incurring upon myself any exclusions, such as gluten or sugar free.  My diet was still pretty bad, just not as bad as it was - Iceland microwave meals, KFC, and Pot Noodle).  I managed to get through Uni..just about.  However, I'd only really improved a very small amount, and was still very chronically ill.  Perhaps the biggest hinderance at this point was that I still wasn't listening to my body!

Being the typical Type A personality that I was, I decided to look for full-time work..even though I clearly wasn't well enough!  I managed to get through University, but in all honesty, my course required only a few contact hours a week, and a few essays a term.  It almost tricked me into thinking I was better than I actually was.  I got a rude awakening when I went into working life!  I decided to give advertising a shot, as it was something that genuinely interested me and judging by the series 'Mad Men,' looked like it involved lots of client lunches and Scotch.  I worked for a couple of great companies, but I really struggled through, often in extreme physical pain, and feeling intense brain fog, amongst a high level of anxiety and stress about my symptoms.  As my symptoms worsened, my job responsibilities increased.  Unknown to me at the time, by trying to fight my symptoms and resist them, I was simply causing them to intensify and worsen - it was a vicious cycle.  During this period I tried all sorts to cure me of this malady - Acupuncture, Bodywork, Osteopathy, The Lightning Process - you name it I tried it! None seemed to have a positive impact..

I simply couldn't work anymore. Even getting out of bed was a massive challenge, and a painful one.  I had to stop and work on improving my health.  As many of you Type A's will understand, this was a massively hard decision, as by giving up the ability to work and achieve, we are essentially giving up much of our identity and how we define ourselves in that moment.  Unfortunately during my notice period, my employer decided to lump about 6 months work upon my shoulders.  This made me even worse physically, and I actually recall a week before my last day, going to the nearest pub after work and sinking about 4 pints (and feeling even worse!) That was a real low point for me..

I took a month off to relax and re-evaluate.   This was where my turnaround began.  Up to this point I had 3 and a half years of no improvement, and worsening of symptoms.  I was lucky enough to come across The Optimum Health Clinic in North London, through a YouTube video I think.  I initially signed up for their Practitioner Training, as I wanted to work in the field of Therapy, and ideally with people looking to improve their health.  I soon found that this clinic was really at the forefront of M.E. research, and I could see that they offered some fantastic treatment (NLP, EFT, Hypnotherapy, Coaching.)  I soon signed up as a patient, having seen the numerous recovery stories.  I started working with one of their Nutritionists.  This was when I first noticed a change.  My gut had been an absolute state for around 4 years, but once I got on the nutritional plan, within a few months that seemed to sort itself out.  I was found to have Mitochondrial Dysfunction, so we treated that too.  At this point, I also learnt that I needed to slow down, pace myself more, and listen to my body.  This I have found is vital in improving your symptoms and condition.  I also had a few sessions with one of the Psychology Practitioners, and was taught tools to help calm my system down. This took out a lot of the anxiety that I'd been feeling around symptoms etc.  Progress was slow, but at least it was progress.  It got me up to around the 75% mark.  However, something was still missing, as I was still falling into 'Booming and Busting' patterns.  I was referred to an exercise physiotherapist in October 2014 who specialised in CFS.  When I first started working with her I could only manage 8 minutes walking a day without my symptoms getting a fair bit worse.  4 or so months later, I'm up to 26 minutes a day (without my symptoms worsening), plus 1-2 hours work per day, and Yoga 2-3 times per week.  Tangible progress.  I still have a fair way to go on this, as once I get to 30 mins per day, I gently and incrementally increase the intensity, until I'm jogging everyday and doing some resistance training without a worsening of symptoms.  To reinforce my belief systems, I also regularly read and listen to recovery stories (and they are plentiful these days :-) ) They offer such great wisdom and advice.  I also consistently use the tools I've been taught at The Optimum Health Clinic to help reduce anxiety levels around symptoms etc.

I suppose I wrote this to highlight that change is possible, even when it can seem impossible at times.  The number of times I had tried something new with no success, and went home beating myself up about it were innumerable.  I've had some pretty dark nights of the soul in the last few years, but things are now looking much more positive and structured.  I think I found things that work for me because I kept on believing and never gave up.  Belief is a powerful thing, and it's up to us to harness the positive aspects of belief.

Hope you enjoyed reading.



Adam
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Wednesday, 1 April 2015

Graded Exercise - good or evil?



There is a lot of scepticism around Graded Exercise in the ME/CFS world, perhaps understandably. In the early days (the late 90s and the 00s) Graded Exercise was prescribed by the NHS to ME/CFS sufferers, along with CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), with the intention of helping lessen the symptoms of sufferers and improve their quality of life.  Of course, as most of us know (through your own experience or stories you've heard!).. prescription isn't generally very successful.  It's my job to therefore identify why it isn't successful, and how it can be successful, even getting people fully recovered.

From what I've learnt at the clinic where I'm studying, along with several of the latest most in-depth studies and books out there, the reason Graded Exercise is generally unsuccessful is because it is not applied stage specifically, and it also requires for us to have other things in place first before this can be of benefit to us.  Have no idea what I mean? Good, let me explain!

1) ...it's really important for us to address the stress side of the illness.  (Worth reading my post on MECFS and the role of Emotions for in depth detail!)  This condition is extremely stressful for the sufferer, understandably of course!  Questions such as 'why me?' 'why am I getting all these unexplained symptoms?' 'will I ever recover?'  Even though this is a natural response, it actually puts our already weakened bodies (nervous/immune/hormonal/endocrinal systems) on high alert all the time, and doesn't give our body a chance to start recovering and healing.  I was taught at the clinic that we are in either a healing state (allowing yourself to get good quality rest and relaxation), or a stress state (worrying thoughts, anxiety, fear, the world is not safe etc.)  The stress state keeps us in a sort of perpetual loop of Fight-or-Flight, and doesn't give our bodies the time to start recovering, because it's always stuck in stress.  There are several tools you can adopt to calm this stress response down and start healing.  It is beyond the scope of this post to explain each, but I'm happy to list a few ME/CFS specific places which specialise in teaching you these tools.  Please comment below if you'd like me to send you links.  Once you address these, you're likely to start seeing some changes in how you feel.  This is a big reason why Graded Exercise doesn't get the best results often.  If we're constantly in the stress/anxiety state about symptoms etc. our body can't heal properly because we're in a stress state rather than a healing state.  These kind of leaves our bodies stuck in limbo, unable to push to the next level exercise wise, and when we try to, our body often isn't ready and crashes!



2) ...sorting out the nutritional aspect. THIS IS SO SO IMPORTANT! The physical and cognitive stress of ME/CFS on the body usually leaves us deficient in the vital nutrients we need to make our own energy.  I'm not going to go into depth here as I'm not qualified in this field.  However, it's absolutely worth seeking professional help here from a nutritionist who specialises in the field of ME/CFS, in order to imbalance out any imbalances i.e. mitochondrial dysfunction etc.  I tried to do my own nutritional work and didn't get anywhere for ages! Finding the right person made a massive difference, and meant I didn't need to stress about doing my own research on what would support my recovery nutritionally.

3)...stage specificity.  It seems that a majority of people for whom Graded Exercise didn't work weren't in the appropriate stage of recovery for it to have a positive effect.  Most of those when diagnosed are really pretty ill.  Graded Exercise is the last thing they need. They really need to rest and let their body recover a bit first.  Graded Exercise is only usually effective in the latter stages of recovery (perhaps 70% - 100% fully recovered), as this is the point where you can push your body a bit in a sustainable way.  It is also important to note here that remaining calm and grounded even in the last 30% of recovery is massively beneficial!  Remaining calm whilst doing your exercise is really important.  Listening to chillout music, or just being present to your surroundings really helped me in this respect.  Anything below the 70% mark and rest/calming your system down is the most sustainable option.

4)...it needs to be graded at the pace your body feels comfortable at.  This is again, extremely important.  If you try and fight your body, it will just fight back.  Take this really slowly.  With my Phsyio, I only increase my exercise in small 20% increments every few weeks or so.  I make sure I've stabilised at a certain level for at least a week before even considering moving up to the next level.

5) ...simplify your life for now and pace yourself whilst grading your exercise. NOTE - this doesn't mean traditional pacing. This means pacing your days, so that you are listening to your body and giving it rest when it needs rest, rather than running around like a headless chicken! This will really give your body the permission it needs to rest, recover, and strengthen enough to move up to the next level of exercise.

6) ...get the help of a qualified specialist, who specialises in M.E/CFS.  Graded Exercise can be an art, which can often require a supervisor :)    

 By following these principles, I've found Graded Exercise very beneficial, having been doing it for around 4/5 months.  I feel stronger, I'm more in control, and I'm moving up to jogging on a daily basis soon. Whoop!!


Adam
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